A farewell letter...

To my lovely and gorgeous wife Clarrisa,

I was the first child of  Goth family. My father, Mortimer, was a genius and well-educated businessman and my mother, Bella, was a beautiful actress and dream of every men. She had black-long and straight hair but the eyes of her had the feeling of killing a guy with one look. My mother did not continue her  job after giving birth to me but I was raised by my father so I can tell she was not around that much. After years, I had my tiny sister Cassandra. Even when Cassandra was a little girl, my mother never took care of us to all the stress of taking care of 2 children's responsibility was on my father's shoulders. Such traumatic events stayed with me like a shadow and I always feared that I will eventually be alone or left behind by the ones I loved. With this fear, I only focused to my grades and then to my job.

I was 27 when my father Mortimer died. After only one month I lost my mother too. I guess my mother loved my father more than I expected…

Cassandra was still little but not so different from me. With the money my father left for us, I was able to take care of Cassandra but for the sake of Goth's name I had to keep working so hard. We were able to save and add money to our inheritance but we had never realised we were aging.

Just after I became 31, I learned Cassandra was having a terminal illness. She was only 25 and just finished her education, just started her own life as a young. She was not that bad when we first learned but as the time passed she became worse. First she started throwing up and at the last stage she could not even take my hands or look into my eyes. Eventually I lost her too...

I was living hell, no one to talk about the flames and the emptiness inside of me so I gave myself to my job. I was 39 and had nothing to do then my job. I had no family, no friends and no one to love. I was all alone.

One day a woman connected to me. At first I thought she was someone really basic and normal like every other girl and I did not pay attention. She was a university student at last year and needed a place to stay for two to three months. Our mantion was near to university, she probably thought I would reject like the other snob rich ones but she had to give it a try. I accepted because I had nothing to lose, I was losing my mind in that anormous house of mine. Hearing only my sound echoing from the walls was driving me crazy. Plus, she really looked like she needed help.

Until I see you, I had no idea my heart can beat that fast. Your long wavy and cinnamon-colored hair had the perfect balance with your the green tone eyes carefully selected by the mother of nature. I bet Aphrodite went mad when you were created. 

You were full of life that I always believed if you try hard enough you can bring happiness and nature to life. You were full of stress because it was your last year and you wanted to be a great writer. I supported you with everthing I got. Even though something inside my constantly told ' Do not fall for her, you will be alone again!', I could not handle with my heart.  You were everything I could ever want from God and I would give my whole life to Satan if only I could touch your hair just one time and tell you how much I was in love.

The days became weeks and weeks gave birth to months.

You graduated.

The words feel pathetic because they cannot help me when I am trying to describe how proud I was for you. When you took your diploma in your hands and looked directly into my eyes with an adorable big smile, I gave my everything to stay alive.

It was the 19th day of June, the day you graduated and the day you were supposed to move out. It was a night with full-moon. I wonder, does the Moon know you were even more magnificent under its light? The truck was ready with all your things in it, you turned and said 'Farewell..'. When I saw your head was upto the truck I felt the drops of my eyes. I was like saying goodbye to   my father and Cassandra, I was helpsless and there was nothing I could do.

After five to seven feet the truck stopped and an angel has fallen from the sky started to run to me. 

It was the 19th of June with a beautiful night, I looked to your big green eyes and told you how much in love I was. 

You kissed my lips as I kissed yours from that day on I begged to God not to tear apart this two loved souls.

You grew up in an orphanage and I had no family. I know I did not give you a fancy wedding, you even regret that you married me maybe but seeing you in a white satin dress just fits your amazing flawless body was the thing that made me say 'Our wedding was the happiest day of my life, lady!'.

When you gave Cassandra Bely to my arms, I felt like my father's first time holding me. God blessed me with you and put me right on the center of Heaven with Cassandra Bely. She even looked like me with black hair but her eyes screaming " I look like my mother not like you Papa!". You gave your beautiful eyes to her and I knew she will be gratefull when she grows up. Just when I was saying I could not be happier you told me you want a child from orphanage. I never had second doubts when I was saying yes. I knew you had hard times when you were there. 

When our second daughter Isabella arrived, she did not know she was going to be a sister to another girl after 13 months.

You, my gorgeous wife Clarrisa, my first child Cassandra Bely, my lost daughter Isabella and my new born daughter Elizabeth. I accomplished my mission as you may know. My father always wanted Goth name to live and it was his last will. I am pretty sure with the beautiful and full of life 3 girls his will has come true even though my daughters last name will change when they are married. They born Goth and they will die as one.

The first time I felt I was going to die, I was 54. At job I had a heart attack and I had my worst fear of all, my nightmare. Cassandra took this disease before me but it is left to me like a knife in my chest. Grim was sending signals, he was about to take me. When I came to you to say this you were holding Elizabeth at dinner table with my adorable daughters. My lips locked to each other when you realised me, Cassandra Bely and Isabella started to run to me for welcome hug. When those little angels hugged my both knees you came and kissed me as Elizabeth holding my little finger. You were happy to see my and it was a perfect family picture that I did not want to be one who ruined it.

Then I felt worst and the best as you told me you were pregnant to our boys. Not just one, inside of you there are two gentlemen are growing up like my disease. I was going to have 2 sons. I bought everything about boys. The car toys, the balls, brand-new computers and lots of books for me to read them. I always hoped one day I would be the one who reads these books to them and teach them how to drive.

I am sorry Clarrisa I could'nt be there when you were giving birth to Mortimer and Alexander.  One has my father's name and the other's has mine. I hoped I could stay to see my children growing up. I begged to God just to give me five minutes to hold my sons in my arms and kiss you one last time. 

I am sorry I could not make it.

But in the end I was right. You tried really hard and you gave happinnes and life to someone as pathetic as I.

Please do not cry after reading this Clarrisa you still have our children behind.

All I could left behind was the money I had saved for decades and the memories of mine.

I do not need to go Heaven afterlife.

I had my Heaven when you were by my side.

You are still my adorable wife.

Take care of our children, my beloved…